Burned-INterview #5: This BiT is Burned-Out by Lack of Growth and Respect: Something She Found Easily within Another Company

BiT Interviews are completely anonymous and are conducted to get to know what burned-out teachers or current teachers are feeling and going through before they have either left or leave the education profession. 

AH: (Me!) Amber Harper   BiT: Interviewee

AH: How many years have you been teaching?

BiT: 16 years, most years at the same school, same building, same grade, even the same classroom.

AH: What do you feel is the best part of your job?

BiT: The kids and the relationships. Nothing else really is intriguing or important about teaching, in my opinion.

AH: Can you give me an example of a relationship that you have established?

BiT: Two students come to mind. This is the first year that I have been recognized for a relationship that I have build with a student at Junior Honor Society. One student still comes down to talk to me on a regular basis. After being recognized by a now senior this year, I was like, "Oh! Wow! It really does matter what we do!" You know, we go years and years without being recognized and all of the sudden, you have graduates reach out and tell you that you made an impact on them and you're like, "Whoa, really?"

AH: What is the worst, for you, about teaching?

BiT: Personally, this year has been hard for me because I am recently divorced and you know what teaching is like. You give and give and give all day and then you come home and you have nothing left to give. Well, before, I had my husband who could kind of help a little bit with our daughter, but now, I come home and I look at her and I think, I am so tired I can't even be a mom that you need. So this year has been hard because I feel like all of my most important energy should be poured into her and by the time I get home, I don't have anything left to give her. At this point, I only have 50% of her life and I keep thinking that either I'm going to be a really great teacher and pour it all into my kids at school, or am I going to be a really great mom and pour all of that energy into my daughter. I think part of it is too, that I want to be able to pour into her.
And, with this job, I don't know if I can give for her what I want to financially. When I retire, I won't have much there, you know? Part of it, also, is that I want to be able to provide for her. If I keep teaching, I don’t know that I can give her what I want to give her in the future, monetarily. I got my first raise this year in eight years and it didn’t even cover the hike in our insurance expenses. So, I’m like, what am I saving for? I’m not going to have much to retire on. So, I'm thinking, "Is all of this worth it... I mean, I FEEL SO HORRIBLE SAYING THIS!

AH: (I interrupt the teacher…) Every time that I have a conversation with teachers, they feel, at first, that they can’t be honest. But, THAT’S WHY I’M DOING THESE INTERVIEWS! We have GOT to start having these conversations and addressing these things. We can’t keep feeling bad about talking about our feelings! I have felt in the past, the same way. I have felt that if I say what I’m really feeling, then I’m a terrible person and I’m a terrible teacher. But, this is our job and this is our LIFE! If we can’t be honest, and we go to work and keep all of these things inside, we can’t be our best for our kids, because they ARE our kids! I’ve heard a lot, and I want you to be open and honest. This is totally anonymous and you are safe to be real with me.

BiT: That brings me to my next stressor. I feel like when we are feeling stressed and overwhelmed, there is NOTHING to support you. For example, we are now considered a “B” school, but now the stress to perform well has gotten so high. But, the kids that I have this year are not the same kids that I’ll have next year. I keep hearing, “We have to get a B, we have to get a B, we have a B!” But I don’t feel that it’s in the best interest of the teachers or the kids. I don’t feel that we should have to feel so stressed about it. I mean, I’m shoving stuff down these kids throat for three weeks, they are barely retaining it past the three weeks and what’s it for? Is it for the kids or for you? And, who’s going to take credit for it? (You being administration.) Or is it me who’s doing the work for you? I feel like our admin is all about claiming the success, but the teachers, ultimately, are the ones putting all of these things in place. They are only looking at how my kids are performing. It was just recorded, not acknowledged. I had a rough year, admittedly, but I don’t feel that I was supported when it was tough for me.

AH: So, how would you like to be supported?

BiT:  So this is a little strange, but I recently started selling beauty products. I know this is weird, but it actually brought back some of my passion for teaching, because of the team aspect of this company. I mean, at school, I am constantly pitted against other teachers all the time. We test the kids and then our results are slapped up on a board against the other teachers and then I am judged based on how well or how poorly my students performed against yours. So this teacher is giving a study guide, and this teacher is keeping kids after school. So, I’m thinking, what am I supposed to do? Is this supposed to be authentic? Because if it is, then I teach it and then I post test it.  I feel like the teamwork is completely gone. I feel like we used to collaborate together and now it is,“Who is teaching it best?’ When we get into that room and your percentages are the best and everyone is like, “WOW! You must be a rockstar at teaching that. How did you do it?” And, I feel like, yes, you might be a rockstar, BUT what if the kids already knew it or they just got it really fast. I mean, there are so many other factors. I felt judged for things that I believe are ultimately out of my control. I feel like usually my kids perform pretty high, because I teach High Ability, but this year they haven’t. They are weaker in math especially, and now I feel judged instead of supported. Administration is sitting in the meetings and I was approached like, “Are you worried about ISTEP?” And of course I am, but what am I supposed to do? That’s just where they’re at. I don’t know what to do with what you are saying to me!

AH: I’ve always been so confused about that. Like, how can you REALLY compare my students’ scores from this year to my students’ scores from last year? I don’t have the same kids, at all! How can you compare brains like that?

BiT: That’s where I feel like that school score is a joke. When our kids move to  high school, the makeup of our school changes by the kids that are coming in. It seems ridiculous to me that you can compare last year to this year.

That whole way of looking at my success has really burned me out. I know that you want me to get these kids to perform, but you aren’t telling what to do other that teach them what you are telling me to teach them and then giving them these tests and then hoping that they retain it. The energy level of my daughter and the lack of teamwork has really burned me out. Between teachers and between administrations. Even three to four years ago it was like, how can we get through this together? What can we do about this? And now it is just full-bore, full steam ahead without support from other teachers and administrators when you are having a hard time.

AH: I want to back up a minute and talk more about the beauty products that you are selling. You said that it helped you spark something. Can you tell me more about that?

BiT: It is really team oriented. It is so great because everyone is helping each other and they tell you what to do and you do it and it works! And I’m like, “Well, that was easy!”

AH: Did that help you feel better about school? Having that separate entity that was going really well?

BiT: It did! I just started in May and I’m already ‘leveling up!’ I have already been growing and climbing the ladder!

AH: That is so interesting to me that you get to grow so quickly, because you have been teaching in the same classroom and the same school for so long and have seen no professional growth, and you’re seeing growth in this company so quickly. That has to help you feel better about life, right?

BiT: Yeah, and you have all of these people around you, supporting you and wanting you to level up and grow quickly. It’s mostly women and it’s really empowering!

AH: This makes so much sense to me and I am so inspired by this! I have had conversations with so many other teachers and they all have the same  struggles: lack of support from administrators, other teachers,  and parents, poor student behavior.  I’m hearing you talk about how this other entity, seperately from school, is making you feel empowered, helping you to have a more positive outlook on your professional life. That’s so huge to me! I am so happy for you!

AH: Besides the beauty products, which sounds like its own sort-of therapy, have you sought out any help?
BiT: I’ve done some reading, but there isn’t a solution. I’ve even sought out jobs that I can do with an education degree.

AH: I hear you! I think we have all searched for things we can do that could make us feel more empowered, more respected, and make us more money.

BiT: I know! I mean, I am an educated person and I am struggling to pay my heating bill in the winter! I feel like that’s ridiculous! So, that in addition to all of the other stressors really makes it hard for me to stay in education.

AH: So with the extra money that you are bringing in with the beauty product sales, are you hoping to continue teaching?
BiT: Yes, I would like to.

AH: If you could wave a magic wand, what would you need to stay?

BiT: I think to become a team again. I don’t know how to do that, but I feel like we aren’t anymore.  I think to be able to be real. I feel like everyone has this fake, school persona that they walk in everyday and ‘everything’s great!’ And I don’t know what your population is like, but with our kids, things aren’t great at home and you have to be the positive thing in their life and you can’t crack.

I started looking for different jobs the second that I felt like I couldn’t trust the people that I worked with.They don’t see me as a human. If they see me as only a producer of goods, then why am I here? Yes, I love these kids and I love that I can be someone that they can look up to. But, if I can’t be a WHOLE me, then I can’t be anyone that they can look up to. I mean, when I was having a really rough time, I was pulled into the office and told that I need to change my attitude. I wasn’t even asked what the problem was, and you know what? If I would have been honest, IF they would have asked me, I would have been accused of being negative.

I feel like, “Just replace me.” Really, you are giving me a written curriculum, no creative power, do the pre/post test, and move on. And we also have the computer tests and I’m just done! The kids are done. It’s just too much pressure.

Take Aways and Tips

WOW.

This interview was really powerful. We had a really deep conversation about the power of true teamwork, the need to trust, and be honest. What I also took away from this interview, more than the need for teamwork, was the need for growth and the need for encouragement from those around you when you need help.

There have been so many times, in my 11 years of teaching, where I have had a rough go of things, whether it was my class or personal obstacles that were effecting my attitude at work. Rather than being asked what was wrong, I have also been pulled into my administrator’s office and told that I need to quit being disrespectful and fix it. No questions. No worry about my well-being. Just fix it. Respect us. Complete apathy for my situation. It’s really hurtful to know that I don’t really matter to those that I work with.

Now, on the flip-side, I have also had coworkers listen, relate to, and cry with me because they understand what I’m going through. THAT is the kind of empathy that needs to be in our schools for our teachers. Am I saying that our principals should cry for us? NO! But at least ask questions instead of making assumptions.

I am completely intrigued by the outside business that this teacher has gotten involved in too. The fact that passion is being brought back into her teaching because of an outside entity is so exciting and further deepens my opinion that teachers, just like students, need encouragement and growth opportunities where they struggle.

A couple of tips from this interview:

1. Find a place, whether its within your school or not, where you can grow and go for it! What are your passions in school? What are your passions outside of school? I guarantee you, you find that something and see growth, your life will change! I have experienced it!
2. I’ve said it before. Not all grade levels, buildings, or corporations are created or run equally. Think of your personality type. Are you someone who loves change and you just realized that you have been teaching in the same grade level and classroom for 15 years? Maybe what you need is a big change in grade level, building, or… dare I say? Career.
3. Respect yourself. What I love about this teacher is that she is not willing to live her life being someone else’s pawn. She knows what she needs to be her true self and love life and she is going for it. She knows what is important to her and she is respecting those truths. You should too.

BiTs, we have to be our own heroes. No one else is going to save us. We have to demand control of our lives.

Tony Gaskins, Jr. says- “If you don’t build your own dream, someone else will hire you to help them build theirs.”

This could be translated to : “If you don’t build your own beliefs about yourself as a teacher and human, someone else will build them for you; whether or not you give them consent or believe them yourself.”

That’s no way to teach, work, or live. So, I leave you with this call to action:

WHAT ARE YOUR BELIEFS ABOUT YOURSELF? Tell me.

Let’s have a conversation.

 

Burned-INterview #4: Burning Out? Make a Friend!

Burned-INterview #4: 

This BiT Couldn't Hack It Without Her Teaching Partners: 

Who do you go to when you need support?

BiT Interviews are completely anonymous and are conducted to get to know what burned-out teachers or current teachers are feeling and going through before they have either left or leave the education profession. 

AH: (Me!) Amber Harper   BiT: Interviewee

AH: How long have you been teaching?

BiT: I have taught for more than 10 years.

AH: What do you love the most about teaching?

BiT: The ability to embark on my deep personal beliefs during our school day, outside of academics. The strong faith aspect of our school day.  Sharing my faith with my kids. At the end of the day I want my students to go out into the world as good, caring people.

AH: What is the hardest thing about being a teacher for you?

BiT: The toll that it takes on my family. I have given my students everything, emotionally, physically. My family gets the short end of the stick. That's what gives me to most guilt as a mom, because I am spent. Honesty, I really want to be the best, but my family SHOULD be the thing to come first and at the end of the day that’s not the case. My husband says things like, "How can you be so tired? How can you snap so easily?"

I feel like on of the biggest problems is that administration doesn't listen to their teachers. They pay thousands of dollars for experts and professionals, but they aren't listening to the teachers who work with these children daily. How many sticker charts am I going to do before I pull my hair out? I feel like if we were listened to and our voices mattered, we could save money and teacher sanity, because we know what is realistic to do with 30 kids. A lot of pressure is put on us, because we are a private school, to perform at the top. Like, in the top tier.It's frustrating when those people are making decisions for us and they are not in our classrooms for hours at a time, having to try to carry these things out with so many kids.  

I will do anything. I will do whatever is best for the kids, but I wish teachers had more power to say what needs to be said in front of administration. It's very hard to always be completely open and honest without fear of having others say that we don’t want what's best for the students.

I can say that at the end of the day, I have done everything that I can, but it still isn't enough. When I first started teaching, everything bothered me. I know things are the way that they are, and we can't change them, but I want to.

AH: How is your relationship with your admin?

BiT: I work in a huge school. Admin are kind and loving, and they lead with the best intentions. They are spread way too thin. I've only had one observation this year and only because I am up for renewal. Otherwise, I have gone years without being observed. Very visible in the building, but in our classrooms, very little.

AH: Do you like that?

BiT: I wish it was different, I don’t want to be micromanaged, but I wish the kids could form a good relationship with the principals. I think the principals want that, but it just isn’t possible.

AH: What advice would you give to administrators, if you had the chance? 

BiT: If you don’t have happy teachers, no one is happy. They are going to prevent their students from being happy and they are not going to be at their best for their students. I mean, I constantly wonder, "How long can I keep doing this?" I feel that teaching is at the expense of my family.

AH: Have you sought out anything to help you with balance?

BiT: I've tried setting "rules" for myself. Trying to get everything done at school and take NOTHING home. But then I'm at school until 8 or 9. I've also tried leaving early and taking stuff home and it doesn’t get done. It doesn't seem to matter what I do, I can never keep up.

AH: Have you sought out help?

BiT: I've read blogs on how to balance, nothing that I have found has been realistic for me. The dynamic at my school is different. The support staff is very limited. I feel like we are responsible for modifying all of their work, who have special needs. It’s a lot. I have to modify every piece of work for the kids.

AH: If you could wave a magic wand, what would help you the most?

BiT: More parent support. I have both extremes. Both ends of spectrum have extreme needs. I feel like school and home is a partnership and yet some parents think that dropping their kids off is their only job in educating their kids.

AH: Who do you feel that you have to support you?

BiT: I have someone to lean on, and she is fabulous, but she has her own job, so she is limited in how much she can help me. I also have two teaching partners who have worked together for eight years. We all plan together and just get each other through some things. I feel so lucky to have them, because I can’t imagine what it would be like to not getting along with who you work with or if it was just me.

AH: Is there anything else that is hard for you?

BiT: Technology. Tech is changing so much. I love it, but I’m not savvy. I feel like things move at such a fast pace, that I start learning one system and then it is changed. That’s really hard for me.

AH: It seems like you have had a lot going on. What are some of the things that are consuming your time the most?

BiT: We have switched to new administration. With that came a bunch of new committees. Now you have all of  this other stuff that you have to do. I think people don’t realize what we are for these kids every day. We are everything. Nurse, counselor, seamstress, mentor, and then you want me to go and be on countless committees and do all of this other work

I just feel like, "You are not going to get the best of me there."

And now we have to fill out collaboration forms. Paperwork to prove that we are doing what we should be doing. Plus, last year, I had 8 speech referrals, so I had to deal with all of that paperwork too.

AH: How do you decompress from this?

BiT: I like to run, but I feel like I don’t have time. My kids are involved in so much, I get to do it only once or twice a week.

AH: Say that I took away your two teaching partners, what would you do?

BiT: I couldn’t handle it. We share the workload. I plan math, another teacher plans the whole group reading lessons. I am Type A and I want to have everything perfect and done. I don’t sleep at night. I will just sit and replay everything that didn’t get done that day. I have to take Benadryl before bed so that I can sleep.

AH: Do you ever feel isolated?

BiT: Sometimes you don’t talk to another adult until the end of the school day. I get home and my husband doesn't understand why I am frustrated, and I'm like, “You had adult interactions all day, I’ve had 30 child conversations all day.” I think everyone should come into a classroom and see what it takes to do what we do.

Take-Aways and Tips

This teacher puts a lot of what we do into serious perspective. We give our all every day. As positive as we try to spin all of the hats that we wear during the day, every day, without support and encouragement from our administrators and other teachers, it can take a serious toll on our overall well-being. Having others to talk to about our stress levels is so important and without that, I can tell you from personal experience, life is hard and it can be next to impossible to leave that stress at school. 

1. Teachers have to stop being the landfill where everything that "has to be done" is dumped on them. If we are going to be at our best we can't be bogged down with filling out paperwork like collaboration proof forms and being forced into committee memberships. These things won't make us better teachers. Listening, supporting, and encouraging makes us better. With that being said, if you feel that things are being put onto your plate that don't belong there, it is your responsibility to say so. The only way this problem can be resolved is with your advocacy for yourself.

2. Having friends in the workplace is a non-negotiable. We crave companionship and support from our peers. We need someone to laugh and plan with, bounce ideas off of, and to give us honest and helpful feedback when things aren't going the way that we want them to. My first year teaching was a nightmare. I can't imagine staying in that environment for longer than I did. MAKE FRIENDS. BE A FRIEND. We are all in this together. 

Don't have someone at work to support you? Then check out these resources for getting you connected with others who are just as interested in building their PLN (Professional Learning Network) as you are:

1. www.twitter.com
I have sung Twitter's praises for over a year now. If you are looking for other positive influences that you can't find in your building, this is where you will find them. 

As you follow people, Twitter will recommend others to you. It is the most amazing connection tool ever! 

Check out YouTube for many great tutorials on how to use Twitter.

2. Google the term "Education Blogs" and you will be showered with opportunities to find inspiration. When you do, TWEET at me and share what you are reading. I want a piece of that too!

Burn on!

Tid BiT: Reflect to See How Far You've Come

Take Time to Give Yourself a Little Credit

Normally, while I walk the dog, I listen to Podcasts or books on OverDrive.  Yesterday, however,  I happened to remember all of the voice recordings that I have created and thought to myself, "I should listen to those." 

As I scrolled through the long list of them (I typically record thoughts that I'm having while I drive or am walking/running) I realized that I started recording back in April of 2016, right before I started Burnedinteacher.com. I recorded all sorts of ideas. Some bad, some good. I listened to over a year's worth of voice recordings and was AMAZED!

What really struck me was how many of the ideas that I recorded, I actually followed through with! I have come a LONG way. While I've been sitting here, day after day, beating myself up about what I should have done or what I should have written or said, I was GROWING. I was CHANGING. I didn't even realize it until I took the time to reflect and give myself a little credit a whole year later.

Take time to reflect on where you were a year ago, five years ago, or even yesterday. How far have you really come? If you aren't proud of what you see, what are you going to do about it?  You have to be your own hero. YOU. No one else can change your life for you, but YOU. 

Burn on!

Burned-INterview #3: DON'T QUIT TEACHING! This Burned-Out Teacher is Going Back Into the Classroom

Burned-INterview #3: 

This BiT Isn't Giving Up On Her Teaching Dream: 

She Encourages Others To Do The Same

BiT Interviews are completely anonymous and are conducted to get to know what burned-out teachers or current teachers are feeling and going through before they have either left or leave the education profession. 

AH: (Me!) Amber Harper   BiT: Interviewee

AH: How many school systems have you taught in?
BiT: Two.

AH: How many years did you teach?
BiT: I taught in two different districts. One each year.

AH: Did you always want to be a teacher? What made you want to be a teacher?
BiT: Yes! I always had really good experiences with teachers growing up. I had one specific one who always stood out to me and helped me when I needed it. I didn't struggle in school, but when I needed it, she was always there for me. Her helping me so much made me decide that that's what I wanted to do, so I never questioned it.

AH: Of all of the things that you found hard about teaching, what do you feel burned you out the most? Did you stop teaching because you were burned-out?
BiT: Definitely. I didn't feel like I had very much support from administration.  When it came to me voicing my opinion. Not so much my first year, but for sure my second year. I felt that I was told, "No." all the time. It burned me out. I was just done.

AH: Could you give me an example?
BiT: It was a school that was really far behind compared to what I was used to. So, I was trying to incorporate technology and  bring that into the school and show them what could be done with it. The principal, even though she was young, was very old school. She wasn't very open to anybody's ideas, unless they were her own. Since it was my idea and I was trying to push it, I did research on it and sent everyone articles on it. I tried hard to push for it and she completely shut down. She completely quit talking to me about it. I was super excited about it and I was like, "Oh my gosh! They don't know anything about technology!" I had everyone doing Facebook Pages at the end of the year, but after that, she didn't want to take the technology any further.

AH: Do you feel that was what burned you out the most? You felt like your opinion didn't matter and something that you felt would be helpful wasn't accepted?
BiT: Absolutely.

AH: Where did you feel the most unsupported?
BiT: I had a serious behavior issue in my classroom. He came in the middle of the school year. When he was put in my classroom, it was a huge change for him. His mom warned me and after one day, shit hit the fan. It was horrible. It was three weeks of pulling him out of my classroom. He was endangering my other kids. He was throwing things and trying to hit people. I didn't feel like enough was happening to help me with that situation. My principal was expecting me to figure it out on my own. This was everyday for three weeks straight.

AH: What happened after that three weeks?
BiT: He eventually calmed down and got used to his surroundings. I learned that I had to be very stern with him. He knew he could grab my hand and we would go to the hallway. I would use my "mom" voice with him, and that's what got him out of it and back into the classroom to do what he needed to do. I feel like I shouldn't have had to figure all of that out on my own. I should have had more support.
He would scoot around on his chair and try to run into others. I once called the office and asked for someone to come down and get him, but no one came. I had to teach with my legs wrapped around his chair for 40 min until someone finally came.

AH: Besides them coming into your classroom for the safety of your kids, how often was administration in your classroom?
BiT: She would come in only for observations. I was observed four times and those were the only times my students would see her in the room.
My first year of teaching, I felt like my principal (who was doing my observations) had a good grip of what I was doing because he was doing walkthroughs in my classroom periodically, throughout the school year, at different times. So I felt like he understood what I was doing.
But, with her (my second principal), it was different, because it was hard for her to come into my classroom for 45 minutes and critique me on so many different things when those were the only times that she was in there. Those were the only times of the year. That's four times out of 180 school days! That's kind of creepy to me!

AH: What do you feel is the best way to support a teacher who is clearly burning out? What do you wish you would have had?
BiT: I feel like, for me, I was really interested in learning more about technology. That's what I get excited about. Even a principal sitting down and asking, "What are you interested in? What are some conferences that you would like to attend?" That would have been really nice. Some administrators are like, "Well, we're going to send you to this conference, so..." And we're like, "We don't need that. That's not what we're interested in.  I already do that in my classroom."

AH: So you are saying that you wish administrators would give teachers the autonomy and choice over where they spend their time learning and what they are learning about?
BiT: Yes. 100%.

AH: Did you feel like you had other teachers to confide about your feelings about teaching?
BiT: My first year, there were several new teachers. We were all about the same age, it was all of our first year of teaching. We supported each other and were able to vent in each other's classrooms, we were able to pull our heads together.
My second year of teaching, if I went to someone about feelings about administration, I felt that I knew it would get back to her. I didn't feel like I had built enough relationships to vent as much as I wanted to. I didn't know if I would be there or not the next year, so I didn't want to jeopardize my job.

AH: What caused you not to go back the next year?
BiT: We moved, but if I would have stayed there, I would have sought out a smaller school. I felt like the school was too big and it was run more like a business than a school.

AH: What do you wish was available to teachers who are feeling very overwhelmed and burned-out?
BiT: There were times where my class was so bad that I would just need to leave the room for 5-10 minutes. I would have my assistant take the class for 5 min. I wish there was a system set up within schools that, if you did need the time, you could step out of the classroom.
I wish teachers would talk about this more. I don't think it's wrong, I think we should talk about it! I feel that teachers think that it's wrong, and it's NOT! We should be knowledgeable enough in ourselves that we need that!

AH: That's one reason that I decided to do these interviews. There is a huge stigma within teachers who have felt the way that we have felt. You don't want to tell anyone, because you don't want others to think that you are a bad person or teacher. I went through a serious period of burn-out my fourth year of teaching. I was crying in my car all the way to school, cried in my car while I sat in the parking lot before walking into the building. I was certain that I was not coming back the following year. I went through this again my eighth year teaching and then I still feel it sometimes now.
I wanted to know that I wasn't crazy! I kept feeling like, "I can't be the only one who feels this way." And, I'm NOT.
BiT: You're not! My first year teaching, I didn't have any problem talking to the other girls about how I was feeling, but, at my second school my principal was constantly comparing me to other people. She always talked about how empathetic she was, but she was so negative!

AH: If you could go back, is there anything that you feel you would have done differently?
BiT: Yes, I would have. I would have voiced my opinion more about how I felt about things. When you haven't been teaching for 10 years, I think it's really hard to go up to your administrator and say what you think, but sometimes I think that's what needs to happen. Sometimes, they think they are above you, when I feel like they should be on the same level as you.

AH: You are approached by a graduating, preservice teacher. They ask you for some advice. What do you say to them?
BiT: It's not going to be easy. I had a great experience going into my first year of teaching. You are going to have days where you are crying in your car or classroom. You will have to remember WHY you went into education. Look back and ask yourself why you even started. Talk to the people around you because they are going to the most supportive and find someone you can rely on and be honest with. Find one person who you feel that you can confide in and vent with.

AH: Were you regretful when you left? Would you ever suggest to someone who is burned-out to just quit teaching?
BiT:Yes, I was regretful. I would never tell anyone to quit. If there were a young teacher who approached me and told me they were going to quit, I would be like, "We're going to figure this out and get you though this." It is difficult to switch job and careers. I just can't think of anything else that I want to do! This is my life! This is what I always wanted to do!

Interview Take-Aways:

This interview proves it. Once a teacher, always a teacher. We put up with a lot. This teacher, and the couple interviewees before her, have said what needs to be said in reference to all of the stuff that we do and are faced with daily in our professional lives. 

We don't want to be pitied. We don't want to be coddled. We just want to be listened to, valued, and looked at as professionals. We need to grow, and help others to grow. That's what we do! It doesn't seem natural to ask a teacher not to want to grow, themselves, when we are in the business of growth. 

Administrators, if you are reading this, I beg of you to listen to your teachers and value what you hear. When we question or suggest, we are not undermining you. We are not challenging your authority. We just want to help! We are a smart, problem-solving, passionate, and evolving group of professionals. We want to have control over our own learning, just like we want for our students. 

This teacher also proves that not all building/administrators are created equal. She had a great experience at her first school corporation. She had others to lean on and a principal who seemed to be genuinely interested in what was happening in her classroom on a day-to-day basis. I venture to say that she would have stayed there, had she not moved.

This teacher had other teachers to lean on and trust when things got rough in her first school. She found that something, technology, in her second school to help her to inspire others. It's too bad she didn't have them both at the same time!

We are in the business of inspiring others. We should pick SOMETHING and SOMEONE to inspire US as well. Find that person. Find that 'thing'. Let them inspire you to keep going. If you can't keep going where you are, find SOMEPLACE where you can. Your happiness and self-worth are worth it. 

Burn on!

Tid-BiT: FIve Things I Should Be Doing As A Teacher, That I Don't

Five Things I Should Be Doing As A Teacher, That I Don't

How My Sanity Is Saved By Being Practical and Using Common Sense

This morning's post is brought to you by Pinterest and not in the way that you might think. If you have read my past posts, you know that I am not a huge fan of Pinterest or TPT, and if you have been on my Pinterest page, you may also notice that I don't pin often and if I do, it's normally to post something practical (which I don't find often).

HOWEVER, this morning I had an email from the Pinterest Gods, stating that they had some boards that they thought I might like. None of which I did. In fact, that damn email took me down the rabbit hole and immediately the feelings of guilt and self-loathing started to seep in. Again.

You see, this is why I don't get on the site often. But, it did remind me of why I quit getting on there in the first place and of all of the things that I quit doing as I was burning out. 

1. I quit getting on Pinterest. (Obviously.)

I really do respect it. Really I do. I have gotten some good, basic ideas from Pinterest and it is helpful when I am in a pinch and can't think of what to do when I am faced with a problem to solve. However, when I was on there this morning, I was shaking my head at how complicated things like Class Dojo were made. I'm talking bulletin boards, coloring sheets where kids keep track of their points daily, 20 different ways to reward and punish kids with points, depending on their behavior. I actually laughed. Are people feeling that this is normal?

 I am not coming down on you if you promptly give each student 5 points each day for turning in homework, after you fight to collect it, grade and correct every problem, and then pass it back. I really am not, but know that there is a simpler way. Which brings me to my next thing...

2. I quit giving homework. 

My daughter was on the phone with my mom the other day and they were talking about homework. My mom asked her if I give homework, I said, "No." She asked, "Why?" I said, "Because I don't want to grade it!" It's as simple as that. I get enough proof of whether or not a student needs more support at school. The students also work hard enough during the day, that they don't need to go home to more work. 

Communication with parents is key, however. If a student is really struggling. Parents are made aware and I give them suggestions. If they really want to help their child at home, they will either use the resources I suggest, or not. Parents have never been surprised by grades or report cards, because we communicate often, when necessary, in order to support their child. 

3. I quit giving reading logs. 

This was something I quit about 3/4 of the way through this year and I wish I would have quit 11 years ago, when I started teaching. Why did it take me so long to quit this obnoxious use of paper and my time? There was always great participation for the first two weeks, and then my highest readers were the only ones filling them out. 

Alice Keeler inspired me to ask myself this question, "Why do we ask students to do unrealistic things that adults would never do in real life?" Such as, write down the number of pages we read and record our thinking every time we read a book at home? 

Don't get me wrong, OF COURSE I encourage reading at home. OF COURSE, I have ways of getting books into the backpacks of my students. But, just as my philosophy stands with homework, either a parent is going to take that suggestion to read to and with their child, or not. All I can do is grow a students' personal love of reading as much as I can at school so they WANT to read at home. Am I growing their love of reading by making them mechanically fill out sheets of 'proof' that they did it? Nope. 

4. I quit weekly and monthly newsletters.

Before I lose you and you write me off as a terrible communicator who is closing the door to my classroom and letting no one in, let me make this very clear: I am AWESOME at communicating with parents of my students. I am very clear on all of the ways that they can communicate with me and ask me questions several times throughout the year and especially those first few weeks of school.

I send home many different pieces of information about daily routines, ways to get ahold of me, what my expectations are, and consequences for not respecting those expectations in my classroom. 

My favorite ways of communicating with parents are Seesaw and Remind. 

With Seesaw, parents are able to see, to the hour, what and how their child is doing at school. They see videos, picture posts, and notes that their child is working on every single day, several times a day. Isn't that better than me just stating the standards or learning targets that we are working on each week? I'm gonna say, yeah. It is. I also use it to send quick updates on classroom happenings and upcoming events. 

Remind is a free texting and emailing app that lets me privately send texts and/or class announcements to parents reminding them of upcoming events or updating them on their child's behavior, if that is what their need is. Instant, short, and practical. Done. Parents can also text me with questions and concerns. We often schedule conferences through this service too! All numbers are made private and it is really easy to set up. 

5. I quit feeling like my classroom was MINE.

Our classroom is organized, low maintenance, organized, clean, organized, and safe. Did I mention that it's organized?

My students know where everything is, how to get the things they need, where to put them when they are done, and where to go to find any resource they need. IF they can't find something, they know what to do then too... ask three friends for help. Still can't figure it out? Ok, NOW you can ask me. AND I DON'T NEED TO BUY OR MAKE A SIGN TO HOLD UP THAT STATES, "ASK 3 THEN ME." (Yes, I saw that on Pinterest today.)

Of course I get interrupted when working with students or small groups. They are six years old and I have 30 of them! I'm in the career of education. I deal with it. 

The students don't need colorful labels on all of my drawers. They don't need all of my walls plastered with smiling cookie-cutter children or frogs. (I'm referencing my first year of teaching here.) They need a safe, well-organized, and balanced classroom. They need love. They need to learn to be independent and that if they need something they know where to go to get it. They need a space that is theirs and OURS, not mine. 

Bottom line: stop feeling that because you see it online, that is what should be happening in your room. We teachers, as self-proclaimed perfectionists, control-freaks, and Type A personalities are burning ourselves out by comparing ourselves to pictures from classrooms we have NEVER and WILL NEVER go to. STOP. IT. Do what's right. Do what works. Do what's best for YOUR kids. Be happy. 

BURN ON!

Burned-INterview #2: Learning to Let Go, Before Letting Go of Teaching

Burned-INterview #2:

This Burned-Out Teacher Wishes She Would Have Let Go; 

Before Letting Go of Teaching

BiT Interviews are completely anonymous and are conducted to get to know what burned-out teachers or current teachers are feeling and going through before they either have left or leave the education profession. 

AH: (Me!) Amber Harper   BiT: Interviewee

AH: How many school systems have you worked in?
BiT: I worked in one school system. Two separate schools.

AH:Rural, suburbs, inner city?
BiT: I worked in a rural school for 2 years and then an urban 100% free/reduced school the last half of my career. This school has a high Burmese population and I worked there for 2 1/2 years.


AH: Elementary, middle, high or special assignment?
BiT: I worked for 4 1/2 years in an elementary school.

AH: Did you always want to be a teacher?
BiT: Yes, I always said that I wanted to be a teacher, but I didn't become a teacher right away. I went to work and then went back to school and returned when I was 28.

AH: Of all that is hard about being a teacher, what is burning you out the most?
BiT: When I left, we were on our fourth principal in 2.5 years, our third assistant principal in 2.5 years.
The admin was not for the teachers, more of "I'm going to do whatever makes me look good."
A student who should have been put into an ED program and was not given the attention that she deserved.
I took a leave and then couldn't return for mental health.
I couldn't teach because of a kid I'm trying to restrain for 45 min. You call administration and they don't come to help you. Tables and chairs are being thrown. It wasn't safe. That's what pushed me out of it. 

I wouldn't say that I was burned out, but there are just a lot of things on your plate as a teacher. 

We started taking these "bundle assessments" on iPads, reading and math. Our success as a teacher was based on these tests. Half of my class didn't speak English, so it didn't matter whether I read it to them or not. My scores would be compared to all of the other schools in the district, including an affluent school.
They would question why the affluent school would score 80% and my school would score 60%. We were NOT allowed to bring up the fact that our kids were not English-speaking students. That was not an excuse. It was all about our teaching. 

You start to feel like you're losing your mind. You start to wonder, "Am I insane? Am I really an insane person?"

So all of this, on top of this student with these outbursts during the tests. This went on 1/2 the year. I finally just took a leave after November and resigned after Christmas. 

This was a daily thing. If you saw pictures of this, you would be astounded. 

Another big issue was the MASSIVE amounts of meetings. In the middle of the day, I would be pulled out of class. I'd have to get a 1/2 day sub every other week for some reason. Meetings about what we can better do to better serve our students. I could be in my class serving my kids. Why were we having these meetings? A meeting to talk about the last meeting? To talk about the next meeting?When you know you have SO MUCH stuff to do and your brain is just thinking the whole time, "...okay, I have this to do, I have to do this. Then, I can't forget to do this. Oh, and I need to do this." And everything they would give me during the meeting would go right into the recycle bin. 

Because we are a Title school, you are forced to have these extra meetings. WHY? I could have been talking to a coworker. We could have been planning or collaborating.

The year before, at the other school, we would have a meeting once a week. It would alternate. Meeting as a school, then meeting with grade level, alternating and it was GREAT! But, not at my second school. It was ALL. THE. TIME. 

It was a negative building to work in, because all of the teachers were so upset all the time. 
They were all crying. It is so sad. You cry because you care. If you didn't care, you wouldn't cry. I would sit and bawl. This was hysterical crying like my mom or dad died. I had a full on panic attack one morning when I walked into my classroom one day. I had to leave. I couldn't even do what I was trying to do, and now you are piling things on again. 

It will be interesting to see how many of my colleagues leave this year. 

AH: Did you have any assistants?
BiT: No. No assistants. I had 23 kids.

AH: Where do you feel teachers are most unsupported?
BiT: When you have concerns or let's say if something is presented and you feel that this is not what is going to help my students the best. Being able to be honest about whether or not you think this is the best for kids without any backlash.

Having to say, "Oh yes! This sounds GREAT!" Even though, in your mind, you're thinking, "This is NOT going to work. There is a better way."

You can't say that without being chastised, or being viewed as negative. It looks good on paper, but is not good in application. 

AH: How often were administration in your classroom?
BiT:Last year, we had an amazing administrator who wouldn't do what the district told her because she knew it wasn't the best for kids. She was let go. She was in the classroom every day and talked to the kids to see what they are working on. It wasn't just a walk-thru. She was always asking, "What can I do to help you? What can we do for these kids?" She was so wonderful and so supportive and had experience of 30 years working with EL kids. The school wouldn't listen to ANYTHING that she had to say. It was heart-breaking.

The current principal is only in the classroom to observe you. This principal is a "Yes" person. I feel like, I would like them to just show their face once in a while, you know? I worked in the business world before I was in education and I had a personal relationship with my manager and employees. And, then (as a teacher) I was like, how can I possibly feel comfortable around you when you are ONLY coming in to observe me? I haven't built a relationship with you and neither have the kids. 

You do these observations and and OH MY GOODNESS. DO YOU REALLY THINK THEY ARE 100% ENGAGED? They are looking at things that are so insignificant. These kids are 5 and 6! Yes . She's chewing on her shirt. Yes. She's touching her friend's hair. There are always going to be those one or two who have things going on. 

If you have an administrator who is totally disengaged unless they are coming in to do their walkthroughs, and they mark you, and then they ask you questions about the kids and you're like, "I guess you would have NO idea what is going on with this child, because you are NEVER around!"

I'm one who likes to take care of a lot of stuff on my own. I have good classroom management skills, but when you are working with an ED student, things are just different. When you are constantly running through administrators and they don't know me, they think I'm the problem. It's not me! I was highly effective and they would send in new teachers to watch my classroom management, because I was so skilled with that. Then I felt so unsupported. Finally when it came down to me telling them that and they were like, "You mean you feel like we don't support you?" I said, "No." After that, it just snowballed.

I wanted to do everything I could to support her, but I had 22 other students to worry about and I can't spend all of my time with just her. It was definitely affecting the other kids. It was traumatizing. If I was a child seeing that, I wouldn't have wanted to go to school.

What do you feel is the best way to support a teacher who is burned-out?
There is so much pressure put on a teacher and so many things that you are dealing with as an educator. People say, "I'd love to do your job and hang out with kids all day." THEY HAVE NO IDEA. 

I cried in my car and got medicated. 

Nobody wakes up in the morning and thinks, "I want to be a bad teacher." Were there a couple of bad teachers in my building, of course, but did they have the proper guidance? I don't know. We are rolling through administrators left and right and your expectations are changing every day.

Each teacher is struggling in different areas. They say, "Go ask this teacher to help you." But they are already drowning in their own area and don't have time to help.  They can't help me because I know they are struggling with other things (in their life) that the administrator doesn't know about because they never talk to the teachers. 

There is honestly not enough time to sit and support each other. I would like more time. 

You know you learn the most when you are sitting in collaboration with your colleagues and you are like, "That is a great idea!" OR if you could go into another teacher's classroom. You find answers to questions. How are they handling this? How are they handling that? 

Do you feel that you have other teachers to confide in?
Yes, but maybe that compounded things. She moved to another school and I would call her. She was someone I could go to about things. She was older and went into education later in life. She was more mature and gave me sound advice. As you get older you learn more about life. 

I knew that whatever she and I talked about, it was between her and I. I never had to worry about someone else finding out. 

In the building I was in last year, that was not the norm. In the school that I was in, we would get 10-12 new teachers every year. I was considered a 'veteran' teacher. 

When you taught, did you have anything that you did to help you decompress?
I didn't have anything that I could do at work, but I worked out. I would sometimes go outside and walk around the building. 

What do you wish was available to burned-out teachers?
More time for teachers to talk. Why can't we go to school 4.5 days and then plan and prep on Friday afternoons?  There is so much that is required of educators. I have so many high expectations and I want to be the best. I want my kids to grow and be successful. I feel like it's constant pressure. 

If you go back, what will you do differently?
I have to learn to let things go. Some teachers are good at that and I always wanted to be perfect. I feel like I can't do that, because then I feel like I'm failing the kids. 

What would you say to a teacher who is getting ready to enter the classroom?
You are never going to be perfect and you are always going to be a work in progress. 

You learn new things every year and every year is different. 

Find one really, really good friend at school. One that you can trust and one who can help you and support you. That makes a huge difference. 

Take Aways and Tips:

I have listened to this interview many times, and now read the transcript over and over again and it, quite frankly, makes me feel like I have no problems. 

This teacher has dealt with it all: unsupportive and inconsistent leadership, severe behavior problems within her classroom, struggles with perfectionism and depression, and consequently had to leave to feel like she could gain control of her life again. 

During the conversation there was a period of time where she and I talked in depth about how badly we need to 'turn it off' and go home. I have worked and met a lot of teachers throughout my career and most of them are self-proclaimed perfectionists and/or control freaks They care so much that they can't stand to leave before 6:00 most nights and insist on coming in over the weekend to prepare for the following week or to enter and organize data. 

My question becomes this: When do we just say, "ENOUGH is ENOUGH."? Should we wait until we are burned out from feeling like failures for years? Or do we wait until we feel that if our administrator gives us one more bad evaluation, after being absent from our classroom for months, we have no other choice but to find a different profession? Obviously not. 

My biggest take away from our hour long conversation is how important consistent and realistic expectations from administration are to a teacher's success. And, as I type this I think to myself, imagine if the way we treat teachers was the norm for how teachers treated students? Wouldn't they burn out too? Would that be considered acceptable?

I can imagine that if a teacher's life at school is a dash of chaotic, one cup of unpredictable, and baked on high pressure and disrespect all day long and then removed from that oven only to be sat back on the high heat of being a parent and spouse with other potentially stressful obligations, that can make the burn-out even more inevitable.

As I reflect on my experiences, I realize, also, that I constantly felt like the victim in my situation. I didn't do anything to turn that ship around either, until I was eight years deep, depressed, and felt like I didn't deserve better. I now know different.

As I have dealt with burnout, I have learned that I actually have more control than I think I do:

- I have total control over where I work. If I am unhappy where I am, I am responsible of that situation. I can leave. And I have. 

- I determine my attitude. 100% of the time. No excuses. I can either tell myself all day that I suck, or that I am doing the best that I can and that I am awesome. I choose the latter. 

- I am obsessed with being that friend to other teachers who is positive, helpful, and trustworthy. That is what I choose to do, and because of this, people are there for me too. 

- I believe in sticking up for myself as a professional. I have stopped living in fear of being fired for asking questions and defending my position as a professional. If my boss makes my life a living hell because of this belief, I will leave. Because I am in control of my environment. Period. 

- I have let go. I used to feel like my room had to be the prettiest and trendiest. I used to feel that I had to know, word-for-word what I was going to say for each lesson. This is no longer my truth. My room is organized, safe, and colorful. It is a place where I let my guard down and act goofy with my kids. It is a place I teach them to be kind and to think for themselves. Then, when the day is over, I plan to pick up where we left off the next day and... I leave. I "leave it all on the court," as I have heard NBA basketball players say. 

Before you burn out, know that you are in control. It may not feel like it, but you really are. Email me to tell me your story. We are in this together. 

Burn on!